Ugh! It's Valentine's Day, the Day all single people hate the most. The days before this holiday show the same discourse on our social medias. One of the discourses I hate is that single people must be miserable on this Day, but why?! Have we forgotten what the main reason this holiday was created for? The origin story of Valentine's Day is pretty twisted ( Google it; I promise you, you will be surprised), but I am not here to do an educational lesson on this Day. Valentine's Day was created to share and receive love unapologetically, so why can we provide that love for ourselves? It's great to receive affection and gifts from someone outside ourselves, but why can't we do that ourselves? One of the greatest loves of all we tend to overlook is the love we have for ourselves. In committed relationships, most people love their partners more than they love themselves; that is how a toxic relationship is created. Now, you can't sleep and eat since the connection ended because your "happiness" is gone. Your source of happiness should always come from within, so when people enter and exit our lives ( which is typical in adulthood), these people can never take away something you have already had. Even if you are single, taken, or in a situationship, make sure you provide that same love to yourself that you seek with your current or future partner(s).
But Kiyah, how do I start the journey to improve my love for myself?!
Well, here's some tips I learned so far:
Treat yourself to a nice outing as much as you can. I have been taking myself out on solo dates a lot in the last year, especially after my breakup a year ago. Not only am I enjoying activities that I like, but I am also setting a standard for myself on how I want to be treated in my future relationships. Why would I have accepted a first date at your house when I take myself to an excellent restaurant and/or spa date at least once a month?! Plus, it's many benefits of doing solo dates/traveling that we don't know about ( I can write an entire post on them alone)
It's not a flex to be the one all your exes go back to. Listen, I was one of those females whose ego used to be stroked when I would get a message from one of my past connections saying the "Fboy" default apology lines. Falling for the lies of saying they are sorry and missing specific memories, now you are back in the toxic cycle again because they told you how much they changed while doing the same things that caused you to separate in the first place. If people show you their true colors the first time, believe them because many people are set in their ways, and no amount of love you provide them will make them change unless THEY WANT TO CHANGE. So please, don't go back to people who didn't see your value the first time because it's people out there will see it the second they meet you.
Take more pictures of yourself. Sweetheart, you are so beautiful. Why don't you take photos of yourself? Embrace yourself more. Put on that outfit, get that hairstyle/color you always wanted, do that makeup look you've been procrastinating on, and take a picture. Presenting yourself in ways that make you feel confident is a good tip to improve your love for self because, as I always tell my clients, "If you look good, you feel good." Trust me, that confidence will show in your pictures and real life.
Last but not least, F**K what other people think! Remember, this is your life; people are just living it, so do whatever makes you happy. The more you do things for yourself, the more you set that standard for yourself and others on how you should be treated in all your connections. So live your life to the fullest and watch how life treats you with care and nurture with and without a significant other.
So, what did we learn about not being "miserable" on a day like this? Treat yourself with love and find the positives of the Day. Take yourself to do something you enjoy. Get your favorite meal. Dance in your room to your favorite playlist. Make sure you give yourself the love you deserve this holiday because you can do that, single or not.